Hate to Date? You’re In Luck. Hooking-up Is Taking Over
November 5, 2009 | Megan
Option 1: Bumping and grinding at the nearest house party with the chance of an occasional ass-grab and taste of beer-reaking saliva or
Option 2: Dinner and a movie with someone whose name you actually know and the chance of a good night kiss.
Which date would you prefer?
Nowadays it seems the majority of college students have retired actual dating in favor of hooking-up. Why the swap? Hooking-up, no strings attached, happens so frequently it’s as if it were no big deal. What happened to the days when getting asked on a date would be an all-day anticipated affair? The formalness has disappeared in favor of the openness of possibilities when walking into a party full of horny attractive strangers. But is swapping saliva while getting grinded up on truly fulfilling?
Freshmen year of college, after dating the same boy in high-school for almost two years, I was ready to go out, experiment, and meet new people. Partying and drinking go hand-in-hand on the typical college campus. During the college-search process they make it seem like it doesn’t, but in actuality the surplus of alcohol and the accessibility is often underestimated. My first night as a college freshmen was insane to say the least. I had never been to a real frat party before, with drinking games, kegs, blaring music, and many attractive strangers eager to seal the deal. This may have been my first encounter with the “hook-up scene,” but it definitely hasn’t been my last. “Hooking-up” on campus is as normal as having ketchup on French fries. Both guys and girls do it, but that doesn’t mean the double standard has completely disappeared.
Girls are often labeled as “sluts” or “whores” if word gets out that they get around, while guys on the other hand are most times congratulated rather than degraded. Hooking-up could consist of just making out or it could mean going all the way. It just depends on where you are from and in what context the word “hooking-up” is used. To get more of an understanding as to why the trend has changed from dating to merely hooking-up, I asked a variety of students around my campus.
The majority of students in relationships felt the change hadn’t been beneficial unless you are, as one male freshman put it: “Trying to get some.” A couple of other males agreed that hooking-up benefitted them because it allowed them to hook-up with a variety of girls and it relieved them from the stresses of school. Other perks to hooking-up include: no commitment, less pressure, instant gratification, and less emphasis on taking time to get to know the other person. Hooking-up allows both girls and guys to move quicker sexually, while still feeling free, adventurous, and not tied down. It requires less work than dating, and far less planning. You don’t have to set up a time in advance and it ultimately saves money.
Although there seem to be perks in having no-strings attached, students I spoke with also point out the perks of having long-term relationships. “Having someone to care for and knowing someone will always be there for me in return is comforting,” replied a sophomore business major, who has been exclusively dating the same girl for almost a year. Dating allows for comfort and security, because you know the other person will have your back. It relieves the feeling of loneliness and enables relationships to be built off more concrete feelings, as opposed to merely sexual ones. One female exercise science major feels that she would rather “date” than “hook-up” because of the companionship. “It’s more like a strong friendship when people date, rather than two complete strangers who make-out meaninglessly.”
So if the change in trend isn’t benefiting everyone, why do you think it has occurred? One sophomore Finance major takes this question into consideration, “Maybe it has changed because of guys’ masculinity. Guys are encouraged to be ‘manly,’ and are praised when they get with lots of girls.” Hooking-up gives both guys and girls the freedom to be with more than one person, without having to feel guilty or unfaithful.
When asked why the change in trend, one male replied: “Girls are easier now.” As a girl I was slightly offended by this stereotype, but I can see what this freshman means. When girls go out to parties they put themselves out there on display, making the stereotype harder to disbelieve. For one junior she remembers back to freshman year when if you didn’t hook-up with anyone that night then it was considered unsuccessful. Sure, hooking-up may feel exciting, but I can’t help but wonder how people don’t get hurt from jealousy. Jealousy would be inevitable if you truly felt attached to the person you were hooking-up with. “It’s not that bad…” another sophomore comments. “I mean, I’m getting with other people too, so it’s not like I’m severely hurt if she ends up getting with someone else. That would be hypocritical on my part.”
Hooking-up may be sexually satisfying to both participants, which could be the biggest turn on to the trend. However, dating allows relationships to gradually grow and enables people to truly get to know one another much better than tonsil hockey does. There’s more time to talk, relate, and bond over something you enjoy, through dating. If dating were commonplace, more people would be having meaningful relationships. One freshman psych major remarked, “Dating is more like a fad, like something that used to happen in the past. The terms ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’ were used more in the 90s.” The problem is that asking someone out is easier said than done, especially since it has become such a rarity. I may be a bit of a hopeless romantic, but I feel if you never take that risk of getting rejected, you could be missing out on companionship and possibly love.
I’m not saying that hooking-up is wrong by any means, but I do feel that we could all gain a lot more by going on dates and forming more than superficial relationships at parties. Hooking-up may seem like all fun and games at the time, but afterwards when your hook-up buddies end up being roommates, the situation gets a lot more complicated…trust me! So, from this article I hope to encourage all of you to question how satisfying hooking-up really is. It may seem hard to break away from the norm, but taking the initiative to ask out that girl or guy takes a lot more courage than getting drunk enough to hook-up with the hottie across the room.
