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Friends at Any Price: Sororities and Hazing

Going Greek at college doesn’t mean you’re busy hitting up your favorite baklava baker – it means you’re interested in being part of the network of sororities and fraternities on campus. However, the news is abuzz with hazing horror stories; most recently, it was reported that a student at Rutgers University was subjected to so much hazing by the sorority she was pledging, Sigma Gamma Rho, that she wound up hospitalized. With tales of whomping the bums of your new-found friends in the name of “team-building,” it leaves you wondering why you’d subject yourself to such a thing, and why you’d want to be the perpetrator.

Let’s get the less fun (though perhaps more intriguing) question answered first: Why would you engage in hazing another student? The University of Rochester’s Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs answers this quite nicely, stating that, “some organizations haze with malicious intent.” Reasons for this include getting their ya-ya’s by bullying or exerting power over others, or wanting to seek revenge for being hazed themselves when they were pledging.

Of course, as in the case of the Rutgers chapter of Sigma Gamma Rho, hazing can also be done in the name of a greater good. In theory, organizations believe the tradition of hazing unites the group, humbles new members, and determines who is seriously committed. Interestingly, none of these reasons have yet to be proven to actually be true. Instead, there is only a laundry list of negative ramifications for both the pledge and the fraternity or sorority. Anyone reminded of what the road to hell is paved with?

So onto the more college-student happy-go-lucky side of this story, which is: why would you go Greek?

For starters, there are a large number of sororities that are panhellenic, or members of the National Panhellenic Conference. These Greek organizations adhere to a set of standards, and agree to pursue certain procedures and ethics, which include eschewing and not participating in hazing. NPC sororities also believe that scholastic pursuits should be emphasized and so they hold daily study halls. And they maintain that a big part of the Greek experience is dedication to community service, and thus serve partner organizations like the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

In addition, sororities are an important connection to friends both in and out of college. There is often a stigma of “buying friends” attached to someone announcing they want to join a sorority, but I had a sorority member, Kristin, give me the low down on that misconception. Kristin said that her sorority sisters held to the philosophy, Here by chance, friends by choice.

“I got to college and I didn’t know anyone,” Kristin told me. “When I joined my sorority, I was given an instant connection to people because we had something in common. And there was no hazing. But every new member was given a ‘Big Sister’ who gave her ‘Little Sister’ the welcome of a lifetime – presents, treats, surprises.” Sororities are also another way to network and connect with alumni outside of the university. The old adage, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” will ring some bells here.

Sororities can, and maybe should be, a place where people go to make voluntary associations and enhance your experience of college life. Sure, you pay dues. But Toastmasters makes you pay dues, too. And you don’t have to become BFFs with everyone in a sorority – you just now have a way to be introduced to strangers who really might become friends.

I’m reminded of something I read recently about relationships, and about the difference between romantic love (which is when you first meet someone) and vintage love (when you’ve been with someone a long time). Dr. Al Turtle suggests:

Vintage Lovers tend to be producers and contributors. I’ve met several who describe themselves as “professional volunteers.”  They tend to be involved in their community. They tend to be making and giving things away to others…I am convinced it is really more a result of getting more generous as people become more satisfied with life.

If you build friendships based on service and a common goal, rather than on a material possessions, haves and have-nots, and the shallow notion of buying friends, you’re going to make lasting friendships no matter how you meet people. Sororities that give back to the community rather than simply take from each other are  likely to enhance the friendship experience.

Hazing does not have to be the norm, nor is it a tool we should use to measure commitment to an organization or to create team bonding. Obviously, there are other ways to bond with strangers and soon to be friends. Making people go through a traumatic and hazardous hazing ritual in the name of belonging and to give them a bond is not only dangerous but is also quite reprehensible. And if none of that bothers you, check out the Rutgers story again – you can be arrested for excessive hazing.

I realize this entire piece leaves out the fraternity side of things. Anyone care to chime in? I’m guessing hazing is much more prevelant there. Anyone think I’m wrong about sororities?